The Party that Went Viral

It was Super Bowl Sunday--America's first major break with their New Year's resolutions, when it is encouraged to indulge in chips, and brownies, and beer, and anything that hints of fat and cholesterol.  It was a Super Bowl that we weren't too excited to watch because who wants to root for a bunch of pretty boy cheaters and repeat offenders from the previous year, but still we found ourselves counting down to a fun excuse to have people over and indulge in pounds and pounds of cheese. 

But by 3:00 in the afternoon, the soon-to-be party took an unappetizing turn.  Ben realized it first. 

"We have to cancel," he groaned as the kids started to wobble half-awake out of their bedrooms from their afternoon snooze.  "I have a stomach bug."

"Are you sure?" I questioned.

He pulled a flannel quilt over him, curled up his knees, and gave me a half-hearted sarcastic look. 

It was then that I started questioning myself.  That all day fatigue, the random chills, the nausea?!  Within thirty minutes of this moment, we were laying at opposite ends of the couch, quivering under the same quilt. 

And the children ran wild.

We bought ourselves some time.  I crawled to the DVD player and hastily put in a movie before the room's air knocked me down.  The older two were amused for an hour.  But the little one.  Oh, the little one!  Why can't singing cucumbers and dancing tomatoes be of interest to you, my sweet dear!

Jovie showed us toys, she twirled, danced a little jig to the cucumber's silly songs.  But we were too cold and too miserable to give her our usual claps and cheesy delight.  So she climbed on the couch, and she stepped on our stomachs over, and over, and over, and over, vying for our attention. 

"Pack.  Play."  I gritted through my teeth.  Ben was closer.  He was stronger.  So he got up, and put her in the pack n play.  And she wailed. 

What is worse?  The shrill screams of a toddler, or her body diving into our weak stomachs?  We let her escape the prison.

At this point, our hour was up.  The credits rolled, and Hudson turned off the TV.

"Too much TV.  No more," he announced. 

We had read the Berenstain Bear's Too Much TV one too many times.  They had heard my daily mantra: "Too much TV will rot your brains!"  Why are they taking this to heart now!  They never listen to what we say!

The boys began racing monster trucks, which somehow turned into wrestling, which naturally turned into fighting.  Jovie, still mad that her Royal Cuteness was given so little attention, began jumping off the arm of the couch with a triumphant glint in her eye. 

I managed to utter my second coherent thought in an hour.  "Basement.  Now.  Play nicely.  Lots of candy.  Prize." 

The three of them stormed downstairs like barbarians.  We closed our bleary eyes, and rested our aching bodies for a minute.  Maybe two.  The screaming and fighting and pushing began.  Lord of the Flies: Baby Edition had started.

I knew what must be done next: I faked sleep.  Ben, my green-hued hero, pulled off the quilt, stumbled down the stairs, laid his weak body on the loveseat, and acted as guard over the fighters. 

I felt badly.  I had sent Ben down to that cold hell of activity, light and noise.  The moment of guilt passed. I hugged the quilt, which I now held all to myself, and I gave a weak smirk in the upstairs warmth and quiet.

But while I laid in restless peace, the clicking of the clock caught my attention.  The barbarians would be hungry.  But to go into that kitchen with its swirling, sickening sweet smells of the crockpot chili that had been stewing all day?  Oh, the humanity!  I held my breath and with as much energy as I could muster, dove into the kitchen, threw some chicken nuggets on a pan, and dove out. 

We assured our three little balls of fire that on this special Super Bowl Sunday, their brains wouldn't rot, and they finally accepted our plea for more TV.  The three of them feasted on nuggets and chips while the glare of the TV shone in their eyes. 

The clock struck seven, and we convinced them it was bedtime.  Thank heavens the Berenstain Bears didn't write a book about telling time.

Miraculously, they went to sleep.  And we fell into our bed.  We both knew the worst of it was over.  Quiet and rest were upon us.  There was no food in our bellies to keep destroying us, and no children awake to kick us while we were down.  And our fitful sleep slowly turned into more pleasant dreams.

Until the pitter patter of feet woke us up.  1:24 am:  "My tummy hurts," he pitifully cried. 

The party continued . . .   

 

Our Little Barbarians

 



I guess it could be pretty adorable it they ruled the roost.  For like, a minute.