Preschoolers for President: The Answer to All of Our Nightmares

I spent yesterday freaking out.  I am a generally an unpolitical person, so the fact that I broke out in hives while watching the Super Tuesday results come in, was a bit uncharacteristic.  But today just like that, TA-DAH!  The answer to the country's woes was revealed.  And this isn't just the answer for me, but it's the answer for most Americans.  Drumroll please . . . Hudson and Corbin are running for president!

I know, I know.  This at first seems incredibly ridiculous.  And yes, I did take high school civics.  The minimum age for a president is 35, and they are only 5.  Thankfully, according to Trump, Obama has served two terms as our president, and he's not even an American citizen!  Who knew!  So if Congress waved him through twice, I'm feeling pretty confident they'll look the other way over this little age discrepancy.

So you might ask, what do two 5 year olds have that the other candidates don't?  My answer for you is this: they have it all.

For the Trump lovers: You cry "Anti-establishment!" as your anthem.  My boys would literally scream "ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT!" everyday if they could pronounce that many syllables at once.  What 5 year old boy doesn't fight against restriction and rules?  Just come over to our house after they've gone without a nap and been sugared up with a bowl of ice cream.  You won't even be able to handle the anti-establishment.  Ironically, I asked them today what government meant, and Corbin replied, "I don't know.  A place that takes your money?"  Trump supporters would beam.

We're government rebels at heart. 

Other fans of the Donald cite his amazing business skills as a reason for their votes.  Now, my boys neither have a business degree nor do they own gaudy hotels.  But when I took them to Target and told them they had $15 to spend, they quickly understood what they could afford.  They walked away from the ginormo Lego sets and instead surveyed the smaller, more modest ones.  At first, they were disappointed.  But they resisted their greed, and accepted the circumstances.  And as a bonus: not one claim for bankruptcy on their records!

So we're starting to intrigue the Trump supporters.  How about the others?  The ones who are desperately trying to wake America up with their guttural screams, "Who cares about anti-establishment anymore?  With Trump, we're dealing with anti-morality, anti-common sense, anti-ethics, and anti-decent hair!!!"

Four years of this, America?  Hairdressers all over the globe are wincing in pain.

Strip clubs, affairs, bullying, and a mockery of the Christian faith are a wee bit concerning for some.  For all our morally conservative voters, my boys have this covered too.

To be frank, Hudson and Corbin do at times run around the house naked.  And admittedly, I have had one or two conversations reminding them that mooning each other is gross and completely inappropriate.  But I can proudly say, that as soon-to-be kindergartners, they know that nudity at an establishment other than their own home is never okay.

Worried about faithfulness?  Corbin has been carrying around his two stuffed animal elephants for five years.  In those five years, he has gone only one night without both his Ellies snuggled by his side.  The night that his Ellie was temporarily lost, he cried himself to sleep.  That's faithfulness.

Love at first bite

Sick of all this bullying?  Admittedly, my little men do yell, throw punches, and sometimes swipe toys.  But you know what happens when they do?  They get sent to their room.  This is the beauty of child presidents.  I'm thinking it might be good for a president to get a little discipline once in awhile.  After our boys get sent to their room, we talk to them about asking for God's forgiveness.  They don't need a kindergarten diploma to understand that key to the Christian faith.

What might be the best selling point for Hudson and Corbin's presidential bid is that they're willing to walk across party lines.  They're twins.  Their everyday livelihood is a compromise.  Which birthday party theme this year?  Top bunk or bottom?  A Saturday morning watching "Jake the Pirate" or "Mickey Mouse"?  If a twin can't compromise, no one can.  Their twindom won't just win the moderates either.  These kids have shared everything.  A crib, Christmas presents, a birthday.  Their underwear drawer is one big pile of superhero underpants that they share.  By golly, that's really disturbing if you think about it!  But there is a plus side to all this sharing.  Move over, Bernie.  We're taking your socialists.  Booyah! 

Is there any way we can just share the votes for presidency? 

What about the key voters?  Trump is winning the less-educated.  Well, these boys can't read, and Hudson still consistently writes his "S" backwards.  Which might make signing bills into law a bit challenging, but at least they can identify with that key demographic.

How about the Latino vote?  The African-American vote?  Hudson and Corbin have gone to preschool and befriended kids from other nations and with different skin color than their own.  And yet, race has never come up.  They have never asked why some kids look different than them.  They either have never noticed, or simply don't care.  How can you argue with that?

And the all-important female vote . . . come on.  Have you seen these fellas?  The ladies will be eating out of their hands.

Who needs a spray tan with this natural glow?

And for the feminists, we have an answer for you too.  A female vice president!  And no, she is not of the Sarah Palin variety.  No nasally accent and no plans for a future reality show.  Phew!  Sure, my boys would have preferred to go with Spiderman or the Hulk for their VP.  But let's be honest.  That would have been way too much baggage.  Plus, this girl's sass, spirit, and wit will take care of this ticket's need for a few charismatic fireworks. 

You think Trump's tantrums are fun to watch?  Mine are the real deal!  I'm adding drama to this campaign, baby! 

We're set.  We've got our bases covered.  Preschoolers for President!  Sure, other nations might think it a bit scary that our country will be run by two 5 year olds.  But given the alternative, I'm confident they will soon join this rally.

May the force be with all our supporters!