Adventure #1: The Dentist
So, first let me emphasize: this was not my idea. I was shopping with the kids, and all lucidity had vanished. My phone rang while in the Target check-out line. I managed to wrangle my phone out of my purse while balancing a baby on my hip, holding a stack of coupons in my hand, and making sure the boys weren't pilfering the nearby candy.
Dentist's Office: We're just calling to remind you of your appointment on Monday at 5.
Me: Oh craaaaackers. Yeah, my husband is tutoring. I can't make it; someone has to be here with the kids, and that's their meltdown time.
Dentist's Office: We have an opening at 10. Just bring the kids! We have a movie room.
Me: Uh . . . (The boys are now pulling each other's hair and punching each other over a box of Hot Tamales.) Sure. Gotta go.
On cinco de Mayo all four of us made our grand entrance into the dentist's office. They put the boys and Jovie in a little office room across the hall with a Barney DVD. The first half went well until I suddenly heard Hudson running down the hall to the receptionist, "JOVIE IS CRYING! JOVIE IS CRYING!" He said it with so much gusto that the tray of dental instruments shook.
After the dental cleaning I went to retrieve the boys from the room, and I found Hudson sitting there (right in front of the room's giant glass window) with no shirt. Naked from the waist up. He had been chewing on the sleeve, and he remembered that the day before I made him change his shirt after slobbering on his sleeve. This marks the first time that he has remembered anything I've previously said.
I found his shirt, put it back on, and then went to gather Jovie who had been rescued by the receptionist. When I strapped her in the infant carrier, she started screaming at the top of her lungs, probably for fear that I was bringing her back to the room to endure another round of "I love you/you love me." All the while Hudson, my social butterfly, is talking at the top of his lungs about who knows what to no one in particular.
Me: I need to make an appoint . . .
Receptionist: No, just call, just call. No problem. You can leave.
Me: But I had a ques . . .
Receptionist: Just call. Goodbye!
All four of us were then escorted outside.
Me: Hey, just so you know, this was not my idea.
And that's when I realized I was talking to myself. The door had already been closed. Tightly.
Adventure #2: Derbies and Races
Jovie and Ben were both entered in races this week--Jovie in a diaper derby and Ben in a 5K, his first in nearly two years. Although, Ben got the memos mixed up and dressed like he was running in a diaper 5K. Oh wait, short shorts are what "serious runners" wear. Ugh.
Apparently Jovie is quite humble; although she is a fast crawler, she thought it best not to shine at this event. Needless to say, she didn't win. Corbin summarized her race with blunt accuracy when I asked him how Jovie did:
(With a disgusted look on his face) "She didn't do anything. She just sat and cried. She didn't even try."
Ben, however, faired much better than his offspring and placed second at the 5K.
Me: Boys! Did you see that? Daddy got second place!
Hudson: Did he win?
Me: No, but he got second! He beat like 200 other people!
Hudson: (sadly) He didn't win. The other guy was faster. Daddy DIDN'T win!
This month I've learned a few lessons from our adventures: answering the phone in a distractible moment is a bad idea, taking three little ones to an appointment is a really bad idea, and if I need a self-esteem boost, talking to Hudson and Corbin is the worst idea of all. But hey, at least I have two people whom I can trust when asking, "Do these jeans make me look fat?"
Jovie modeling her participatory diaper derby romper. Although, Corbin would argue that she didn't really participate . . .
Boys, I know that watching a car drive down the street is incredibly mesmerizing, thrilling, and rare, but could you just look at the camera for two seconds to get a pic? And . . . no.
