I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas cards. I love getting them from others, and I generally love the finished product of my Christmas cards. But they're just so NOT REAL. Not even close to the realm of reality.
I dragged my feet this year. My cynical Charlie Brown side said to skip the card instead of giving in to this self-obsessed, perfectionist-craving society we live in. But then I felt like my cynicism was turning me green and furry and that I might start stealing candy canes from my children. Alas, I caved at the last minute and ordered cards.
Unfortunately, because of my procrastination, if you're not a relative with an address I already knew, don't bother checking your mailbox for our card. It's not there. Sweet friends, I used the money for your card to pay for my expedited shipping. So next time you see us, just imagine our whole family looking directly at you while smiling simultaneously next to an animated snowman. The picture will be way better in your imagination than it ever was in reality (as demonstrated by the pictures below).
In order to capture a few precious moments of our family, my sister loaned us her lovely camera. Ben got a littler trigger happy and thought he was shooting a red carpet event. But on the bright side, he did capture some real "winners." Drumroll, please. The pictures that should have been on our card . . .
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"MACKENZIE--I just spent 20 minutes coaxing them to sit together in that swing! You are not getting your $20 for letting us use your camera!!!!"
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"Mom and Dad---does it look like we are done taking pictures?! Stop photobombing!"
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"Stop taking pictures of them. Where is a nursing home when you need one? What are you guys doing? Dancing?! Why are you still invading our pictures? Seriously--I'm still waiting for the five of us to smile at the same time. We're not done!"
"*(*(*&^&&^$@#&*($$!!!!!!"
After kicking my parents back inside, we decided to forgo the family pic and focus on just the kids to make things easier . . .
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| "Great smile, Hudson. Just look at the camera, Jovie. Corbin, now we just need you to smile and we're all done!" |
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| "This is not an advertisement for skinny abs. This is a Christmas card. Shirt down!" |
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"Hudson, wow, again fantastic. Extra Christmas present for you. Corbin, great--much better! Less coal! JOVIE! Why the pouty face? Just one little smile, and we'll be done! Let's try a new pose. I bet that will help!"
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| "We are BACKTRACKING, people!" |
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| "So help me. I will ride around the entire yard on this broomstick if it means I can get all of you to crack a smile at the same time. WHAT? Who has to go potty? Just grin and bear it!" |
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| I. GIVE. UP. |
We're crossing our fingers that Ugly Christmas Photos will be the next new fad.
Merry Christmas, Everyone!
